My office was empty minutes before 3 p.m. on Good Friday, and I was contemplating my life as I glided around absentmindedly on my rolling chair. I look at my life with nothing less than dissatisfaction. I graduated in December and was blessed to find a job as soon as I graduated. Yet, I’m not married. I’m not engaged. I’m still living at home. I don’t even own my own car. I feel as if I don’t have time to do anything. Not to mention that I still haven’t adapted to life outside of college. Even though I’m in the “adult world,” I feel like a powerless child.
And as I looked at the clock, I realized how much I was acting like a whining child who wasn’t able to do what she wanted as her God and creator died a horrible death so that she could attain the most beautiful gift of all.
I’m annoyed by my shallow desire to be fulfilled by this world. Happiness seems always just around the corner, but even if I reach it, there is always another corner I’m always impatient to discover. If I got married tomorrow, I would start being impatient about having kids within a week. If I got a new job, I would find something to inevitably be unhappy about. If I went back to school, I would be longing to get right back out. I began to fear that I would never be satisfied by anything.
After I got off work, I walked into my church in the middle of a reflection on the seven last words of Christ. I sat down and began to listen completely unaware of what word they are on. However, I quickly realized it was a reflection done by Bishop Robert Baron, and the word was “I thirst.”
Bishop Barron begins speaking as if to my own feelings of dissatisfaction. He said that one can only find happiness by giving oneself to other person. That just keeping ones happiness inside, only lead to that gift of happiness ultimately extinguishing. It was then that I became painfully aware of how all my problems and unhappiness came from my own self-seeking. That I was indeed like the woman at the well, as he mentioned in the reflection, looking for happiness in all the wrong places and only for myself, yet searching desperately for that water that could quench her desires.
“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again: but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – John 4: 13-14
The thing isn’t that I will never be satisfied, but that this world can never satisfy me.
It looks pretty and seems like a good substitute. In fact, I can find a lot of joy and happiness here as it mirrors the happiness and beauty of Heaven. However, nothing can ever fully substitute for the beauty of heaven and the love I shall receive there. Nothing can ever replace the love Jesus gives me and longs to pour out over me.
So I am indeed still a tiny child. A very very stubborn child. But I have a good father who follows me around even when I chase after birds and butterflies. He stands behind me as I hopelessly grasp at their beauty when I really should be grasping for Him. He patiently waits, yet He thirsts for me and longs for me to turn to him with my heart in my hands to present only to Him.
This Easter look at what God has given you. Not just on earth, but through his death and Resurrection. How often do you stop to contemplate eternity or the great gift his death and resurrection has given you? How often do you attempt to rely on yourself instead of his good divine plan? Thank Him for his sacrifice and run to his loving arms that are waiting for you!